a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
