You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
