I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
