do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
