everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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