i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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