he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
