I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
