So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
