everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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