i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
