from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
