Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mom said you looked used
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize