she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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