when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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