Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
