I want to make a zoo with you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
