1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We have started to decorate penises.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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