walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
