I heard we made out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
