We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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