I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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