just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
