I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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