Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
