i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She bit a glass in half.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
