So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
