Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
