I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
