I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
