I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize