I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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