you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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