GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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