He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
