so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
