If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
