I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
