I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
