matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
