ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
