i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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