My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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