My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
