Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
