he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
