I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
