he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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