Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
