You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is my gift to your gina
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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