All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
