he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
