I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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