what day is it and did you see me today?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
