Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
