I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
