Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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