You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
