I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
