He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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