I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
