oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
