If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize