You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
