The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
