enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
