Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
