a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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