For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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