Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
