maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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