I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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