So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
