to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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