mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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