bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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