Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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