And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a hot homeless man
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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