So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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