My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
