Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why is your signature on my underwear?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
