i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize