We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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