Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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