hotel room ftw
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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